Emigration is a major step; one that follows many days of deliberations, financial planning and practical preparations. Even though the logistical arrangements have been made, however, there is one aspect for which many people are unprepared: the emotional price that you pay when you leave your country of birth.
You not only leave behind a place – you leave behind a life
To emigrate is more than getting a new address. It is pulling up your roots, often in the hope of replanting them elsewhere. You say goodbye to familiar faces of family, friends and colleagues, and say hello to strangers and unknown pathways. The most common things, like a chat at the shop in your mother language, the smell of veld grasses after a shower of rain or braaivleis on a Saturday afternoon, suddenly feel heavy in their absence.
Longing has no passport
One of the most unexpected emigration challenges is the longing that hits you when you expect it the least. You may be happy in your new country, or successful – but then suddenly you hear a song about going home, or you smell something that reminds you of your grandmother’s house, and immediately there is lump in your throat. You realise: You still carry that world inside you.
Between two worlds
Many people who emigrate feel like they are living in two worlds. You start adjusting to this new environment, but you also cling to what you are: your culture, your language, your people. Sometimes it feels like you do not belong anywhere. When you visit South Africa, things feel weird; it is no longer your reality. And still, you feel like an outsider in your new country. This can lead to deep feelings of loss of identity.
The invisible baggage: the heaviness that is not always observable
Everyone carries their emotional baggage: children, spouses and even parents who emigrate along. The emotional burden of the move is not always visible. People expect you to be grateful and excited. You may indeed be grateful and excited, but at the same time there are feelings of guilt, uncertainty and sadness. You wonder: Did I make the right decision? Was the sacrifice worth the while? These questions often remain silent, hidden behind smiles and new beginnings; you often feel guilty for leaving people behind; you are scared of failure and have feelings of loss that cannot be articulated. Because emigration is often viewed as an event that should be celebrated, many people are ashamed to talk about the struggles. You may in practice have a better life, but that does not mean you have not sacrificed anything.
Hints to mitigate the emotional burden of emigration
Here are some practical steps that can help you to adapt to your new environment in a more healthy way:
- Maintain contact with your people.
Use technology to your benefit. Have regular video calls with loved ones, share photos and send voice messages. You may physically be far away, but you can maintain the emotional closeness. - Create new traditions but keep old ones alive.
Celebrate South African festive days wherever you are, cook well-known dishes and teach your children their mother language. It helps you to keep your identity while being open to new habits. - Find a community.
Join local or online groups of other South Africans or emigrants. They realise what you are going through without the need to explain it to them, and they can offer practical advice and support. - Talk about your emotions.
Do not be ashamed to talk about longing or sadness, because these feelings are normal. Consider talking to a councillor or emigration coach if you struggle to adapt. - Maintain perspective.
There will be easy and difficult days. Do not perceive the difficult moments as failures. Adaptation takes time. Celebrate each milestone, no matter how small. - Allow yourself time to adapt.
Do not expect yourself to feel at home immediately. Growth takes time. Have patience with yourself. - Allow yourself to mourn and acknowledge your loss.
You have lost many things: your country, your people and your routine. It is ok to be sad about it.
A new beginning, but not without a price tag
It is not an easy decision to leave your country. It often goes hand in hand with loss that is not generally seen or acknowledged: loss of community, of culture in your daily life and sometimes of a part of yourself. It is important on this journey to not lose your roots. AfriForum Worldwide supports emigrants by offering a feeling of association with your culture and language, and with other people who are on the same journey. We help you to still connect with your language and culture, no matter where you are.
Also read: What is the one thing you wish you could have packed in your suitcase when you emigrated?
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