By Sue-Ann de Wet

Living abroad brings new opportunities, but it also brings a less visible reality: emotional adaptation. In a previous article we put the spotlight on expat depression. This article focuses on the why, what does it look like and especially the what now?

Because for many South Africans, overseas it is not just a new country – it is a new life, without the familiar safety nets offering support.

What is expat depression?

Expat depression is not just an “off day” or a little homesickness. It is a persistent feeling of sadness, emptiness or loss of interest that can last for weeks or months and affect your daily functioning.

It is often mistaken for culture shock or the longing for “home”, but while those feelings usually improve over time, expat depression can persist or even worsen.

Why does this happen? (causes)

There is not just one reason – it is usually a combination of factors:

1. Loss of your support network

Being away from family and friends is one of the most important triggers. Many expats experience intense isolation without “their people”.

2. Culture shock and language barriers

The simple things – shopping, seeing the doctor, even having a conversation – can suddenly become stressful. This can undermine your self-confidence.

3. Identity shift

You are no longer “who you were” in South Africa. Your role, status and even your self-image can change, and this can create inner uncertainty.

4. Work and financial pressure

New work environments, expectations and sometimes limited opportunities (especially for spouses) increase stress.

5. Loneliness and isolation

Even in a bustling city you can feel lonely. Without a social circle, loneliness can slowly build up until it becomes overwhelming.

6. Emotional transition

Many people go through phases: excitement, frustration, adaptation. If you get stuck in the more difficult phases, it can turn into depression.

What does it look like? (signs to watch for)

Expat depression often comes on slowly and is therefore easy to overlook:

• Persistent sadness or emptiness
• Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
• Fatigue or low energy
• Sleeping or eating changes
• Difficulty concentrating
• Withdrawal from people and social situations
• Feelings of hopelessness or meaninglessness

A lesser-known sign is when you no longer experience joy in things that used to make you happy.

What really helps? (practical tips)

These are not quick fixes – rather small, deliberate steps that make a big difference over time:

1. Intentionally build a new network

You are not going to meet people by accident, and this is completely normal. In a new country, you often have to reach out more purposefully than you are used to. Join local groups, churches, sports clubs, or even Afrikaans or South African communities. It may feel awkward at first, but relationships develop over time. Even one familiar face or sincere connection can ease the feeling of loneliness.

2. Stay connected to South Africa

Keeping in touch with your people in South Africa is not just fun – it is emotionally important. Regular calls, voice notes or even small traditions like having coffee together online or celebrating special days help you stay grounded. It reminds you of who you are and where you came from – even as you adjust to a new life.

3. Create routine

When everything feels new and unfamiliar, routine brings a sense of stability. It does not have to be complicated – even simple things like a morning walk, set meals or a weekly ritual can help. Routine gives structure to your day and helps reduce uncertainty.

4. Intentionally take care of yourself

Sleep, exercise and rest are not luxuries – they are essential. When you are under emotional stress, these basic things are the first to be neglected. Make it a priority to take care of your body, as it has a direct impact on your emotional well-being. Even small adjustments can help stabilise your energy and mood.

5. Set realistic expectations

Adaptation takes time – often longer than you expect. You do not have to feel happy or “connected” right away. There will be good days and tough days. By giving yourself time and space to adapt, you take pressure off yourself and make room for growth.

6. Talk about it

Do not go through this on your own. Many people experience similar emotions, even if it does not always seem that way. Talk to someone you trust – a friend, relative or even someone who is also overseas. Sharing your experience helps to gain perspective and reduce feelings of isolation.

7. Get professional help in good time

If the feeling persists or worsens, it is important to get help. Depression is treatable, and seeking support is not a sign of weakness. A professional can help you process your emotions and find practical ways to regain balance.

An important perspective

It is important to remember:
There is nothing wrong with you if you are struggling.

Adapting overseas is emotionally demanding, much more than people expect. Feelings of longing, loss and uncertainty are part of the process, but they do not have to define you.

For many South Africans abroad, the real challenge lies not in what needs to be organised, but in what needs to be processed. Yet there is hope: with support, time and deliberate choices, you cannot only adapt but also find meaning and balance again.

AfriForum Worldwide serves as a home for our people all over the world, a place where you can reconnect with language, culture and community. Whether it is through the World Guide or through community stories, practical information or simply knowing that there are others walking the same path, you remain part of something bigger.

Also read: When does it make sense to keep a property in South Africa while living abroad?