By Sue-Ann de Wet

When do you begin to ask: “Should we return?”

For many who live abroad, there comes a point where the question quietly begins to take shape: Should we go back?

It does not always come after a crisis. Not necessarily after failure. Sometimes it starts in an ordinary moment – a call from parents who are getting older, a child asking what December feels like in South Africa, a longing for your mother tongue that you cannot always explain.

Like emigration, return was never just a logistical move. It is an identity decision. A family decision. A values decision.

And just like back then, it starts with honest questions.

When does that questions really begin?

The question “Should we go back?” often begins when:

• the initial excitement of emigration stabilises;
• you have achieved what you went abroad for;
• your children start asking where they “really” belong’
• family circumstances changed; and
• you realise that identity is more than opportunities.

This does not mean you have failed.

It means you are evaluating.

And evaluation is not a weakness, it is maturity.

Reasons why people return

Family and support

Many families miss the practical and emotional support of extended family. Raising children without a “village” is possible but it takes energy. Some parents long for grandparents who are part of everyday moments, not just holidays.

For others it becomes a decision when parents get older support starts to flow in two directions.

Culture and mother tongue

Language and culture shape identity. When mother tongue begins to shift to a second language, or children no longer live naturally in their culture, it becomes an emotional factor.

For some families, the question becomes: Where do we want our children to shape themselves?

Career and opportunity

International experience can open doors – sometimes overseas, sometimes in South Africa. Some people return with new skills and perspectives. Others discover that their career dreams can be better realised at home.

But returning does not always mean immediate career success. It can take time to rebuild networks and establish credibility.

Quality of life

Quality of life is measured differently:

• Safety
• Feeling of community
• Balance between work and family life
• Climate
• Financial pressure

What initially seemed better does not always feel better permanently. And sometimes South Africa feels attractive again – not perfect, but meaningful.

Practical: How do you consider a return?

Return requires just as much planning as emigration.

1. Emotional honesty

Is it a temporary longing or a deep conviction?

Is it nostalgia or a strategic decision?

Give yourself time to discern the difference.

2. Financial planning

A return to South Africa is not just a move from country to country – it is a full restructuring of your financial and practical life. Income, taxes, medical cover, school fees, housing and security must be planned in advance. What worked overseas does not necessarily work the same way here. Therefore, returning does not just require longing – it requires calculation, research and realistic budgeting. As with emigration, a sustainable return begins with thorough preparation and honest discussions about what is financially possible and wise.

What worked overseas does not necessarily work the same way here. That’s why returning does not just require longing – it requires calculation, research and realistic budgeting. As with emigration, a sustainable return starts with thorough preparation and honest conversations about what is financially possible and wise.

Consider:

• Work security and salary structures
• Exchange rate impact on savings
• School fees
• Medical aids
• Housing and security

International experience is an asset but does not always automatically translate into the same level of income. A realistic budget is essential.

3. School and family adjustment – What about the children?

For children, returning does not always feel like “home”. Especially if they have lived abroad for a long time, South Africa can feel foreign to them and even if it is their parents’ country of birth.

They often have to adapt:

• New social dynamics: How do you make friends? How do groups work? What is “cool”?
• Different school systems: Different subject choices, different assessments, different pace.
• Sport and cultural pressure: In many South African schools, sport and culture play a big role.  
• Language differences: Even if they speak Afrikaans or Engels, accents and expressions may be different.
• Identity questions: “Am I from here, or from there?”

Practically, it helps to:

• visit schools in advance or explore online;
• talk to teachers about academic level;
• prepare your child for possible differences;
• be patient with emotional reactions in the first few months; and
• not expect immediate adjustment.

Some children adapt quickly and enjoy the change. Others take longer to feel safe and settled. Both reactions are normal.

What makes the biggest difference, is parents who listen and do not just solve. Open conversations, regularly checking in on how they really feel and the recognition that this is a big move for them too, help to make the transition smoother.

4. Administration and documentation

The practical truth includes:

• IDs and tax status
• Bank accounts
• Joining a medical aid
• School registration
• Cellphone and utility services

This phase can be exhausting. Planning and checklists help to reduce stress.

Challenges of return

Return is a second migration. You may experience culture shock again and this time in your country of birth.

You have changed. South Africa has changed.

You may:

• appreciate certain things more;
• experience certain frustrations more strongly; and
• feel caught between two worlds.

Reverse cultural shock is real. It is normal to move between identity and adjustment for a time.

Returning does not mean you step back into your old life.
It means you build a new life in a familiar country

Staying is also a valid decision

Just as important: to stay is just as valid.

Some families decide after careful consideration that their future lies abroad. They deliberately build culture in their home, create communities and maintain ties within South Africa through visits and involvement.

There is no universal right answer. Only a right answer for you.

Every family carries its own context

No decision happens in isolation.

Every family carries:

• Financial realities
• Emotional needs
• Professional considerations
• Safety decisions
• Family circumstances

What makes sense for one family does not necessarily make sense for another.

You never see the full picture of someone else’s decision.

Not their bank statement.

Not their fears.

Not their conversations around the kitchen table.

And therefore, the golden principle remains the same:

Do not judge.

Not those who stay.
Not those who return.

Not those who still doubt.

Just as it took courage to leave, it takes just as much courage to return. And just as much courage to decide to stay.

The decision to return, or to stay, is not a test of loyalty or success. It is a conversation about identity, values, people and the future.

It starts with honest questions.
With research.
With planning.
With conversation.
With courage.

---

At AfriForum Worldwide we understand that this conversation is not only emotional, but also practical and complex. That is why we support South Africans worldwide with:

• practical information on return processes and administrative requirements;
• networks around the world;
• visibility for communities and businesses through our World Guide;
• articles and experiences from other families who have already walked this path; and
• a platform where questions can be asked and honest conversations can be had.

Our goal is not to convince people to stay or to return. Our goal is to equip you with information, perspective and support – so you can make an informed decision that is right for your family.

Also read: Who are you when no one knows your history?