Many South Africans who move abroad often dream of returning to their country of birth one day. The initial plan is simple: build a better future in a new country, earn a better income, create more opportunities for the children – and then, when circumstances are right, return to South Africa. But life writes its own story, and over time, the dream of returning becomes less and less achievable.

The sadness of a divided family

The biggest factor anchoring people in their new country is their children. Young parents often decide to move abroad with the idea that it will be temporary, but while they work hard to make a living, their children grow up in a different culture, go to school, make friends, get married and have children. By the time Grandma and Grandpa are ready to return, the family dynamic has changed irrevocably.

Parents returning to South Africa quickly have to face the sad reality: their children and grandchildren were left behind. Family gatherings, birthdays, Christmas, and daily visits to the grandchildren disappeared. Grandparents now have to be content with video calls, photos, and the occasional visit, but this never replaces the physical presence of family.

For the children who remain behind, it is also a difficult situation. They understand that their parents long for South Africa, but they have built their own families and lives in the new country. Their children do not know any other reality – for them, the new country is their only home.

When a temporary plan becomes a permanent home

Many parents initially hope their children will return one day, but the reality differs. Young adults usually stay in their new country, get married, buy a house and start a family.

Johan and Marie, for example, emigrated to Canada with their two young children. They planned to return after ten years. But their children made friends, went to university and obtained citizenship. Today, Anri has her own family and Pieter works in Vancouver, and neither plans to return. Johan and Marie now face a difficult decision: return to South Africa and spend less time with their children and grandchildren, or stay in Canada and be close to them, even if it doesn’t feel like “home”.

Elsabé, who is in her fifties and planned to return by 60, faces a similar situation. Her daughter, Carla, married an Australian and had children. Elsabé is now considering to stay in Australia to be a part of their lives, even though she sometimes feels uprooted.

How to make the best decision

If you are considering to return, but your children and grandchildren remain in your new country, ask yourself:

• Would I be happy in my daily life without my family?
  If I get photos and videos of my grandchildren every day, but can’t physically hold them, will that be enough?
• Can I manage my longing for my homeland while watching my children and grandchildren grow up?
  Would I prefer to see them once a year and live in South Africa, or rather be close to them and visit South Africa only for holidays?
• Is it possible to find a balance between regular visits and technology?
  Can I afford to travel between countries regularly? Are video calls and digital communication enough for me?
• Is my social and financial support network in South Africa strong enough??
  Will I be happy in my old age in South Africa without my children’s support?
• Have I considered that the circumstances in South Africa, people, quality of life and costs have also changed in the meantime?

The most important lesson

Emigration is not just a geographical move – it is a life change with profound emotional consequences for your family. What starts as a temporary move can eventually become permanent, and it is essential to be realistic about how life will unfold.

For some, it means living in another country for the sake of family, and for others, it means returning to their roots, knowing that their loved ones will be left behind overseas. There is no right or wrong answer – just a choice between heart and home.

These are also aspects that you should consider before emigrating. Choosing to make a new country your home has long-term consequences for you and your family. It is important to ask: Where do I want to spend my old age? Where will my children and grandchildren be? How will I deal with the emotional challenges of distance? A well-considered decision today can help avoid future heartache.

Your story matters – Share it with us!

Have you considered returning to South Africa, or perhaps already made the big move?

The decision to return is not just about geography—it is a choice between heart and home. Many people find themselves in the dilemma of still longing for South Africa while their children and grandchildren are rooted in the new country.

Did you have a similar experience? How did you approach the decision? Share your story with us and help others facing the same choice!

We treat all stories confidentially and can publish them anonymously if you prefer.

Photo: Freepik