A farewell that never ends

To say goodbye, is never just a word or a gesture. It is an experience that touches your heart, takes your breath away and can occupy your thoughts for days – even years. Some farewells are planned; others strike you unexpectedly like a cold wind in summer. But for those who emigrate, there is another dimension: the farewell does not end with that first departure. Each visit brings the joy of a reunion and the pain of a repeated goodbye.

Airports: factories of stories and emotions

As the article Lughawens is storiefabrieke describes, there are few places where the extremes of emotion coexist so well: tears of joy and tears of loss. For many South Africans abroad, airports have lost their excitement. “Where airports used to be a place of excitement and anticipation for me, they are now the place where my heart is being ripped out of my body,” says Lindi-Lee Lock Bekker.

The scene repeats itself: you see your loved ones arriving, you hold them, you laugh, you live intensely. But all the while you know – in a few days you will be standing here again with a heavy heart and tears flowing uncontrollably.

The continuous cycle of greeting

For some the pain begins days before the farewell. “The feeling begins three days before you get to the airport,” says Ilse Beckley. Others try to protect themselves by not saying goodbye at the airport at all. “I never let my parents take me to the airport. We say goodbye in other places,” says Lila Vermaak.

The repetitive nature of this farewell can be overwhelming. Like All4Travel shares: “After every visit, it gets harder. Because the children are growing up and I miss a part of it. I cannot pick them up on a weekend or be at a sports game.”

Different ways to say goodbye

Dr Sulette Ferreira explains: “In the context of emigration there is a gap in farewell rituals such as greeting at the airport. Every family gradually develops their own ritual to deal with the turmoil of emotions.”

Here are some ways people try to make it more bearable:

1. Quick goodbye: Some people prefer a “drop and go” to shorten the pain.
2. Say goodbye at home: Avoid the airport altogether, say goodbye in a familiar, comfortable space.
3. Keep waving: Others stand and wave until their loved ones are no longer visible.
4. Make it a ritual: Eat together before the flight, take photos, share a last hug.
5. Change your words: Rather say “until we see each other again” like Florence Taljaard: “I do not get sad because I just have to be patient.”

The happiness and the emptiness

The journey back home after a visit is often the hardest. Hannetjie Jordaan describes it this way: “That ‘out of your skin’ joy at seeing you again and then that ‘feeling as if your heart is being ripped out of body’ goodbye.”

For Linda Cilliers it is simple: “I have shed more tears in airports than at any funeral.”

And yet, gratitude remains: As Elmarie Kemp says, there is the comfort of the people who are still close, and the opportunities to find new “family” in your new home.  

Practical ways to make farewells more bearable

• Prepare your heart
  Give yourself permission to experience the last few days of a visit slowly and mindfully. Accept that emotions will start to creep in even before the final goodbye – sometimes long before you arrive at the airport. Make time for small moments together, even if it is just to drink coffee together or watch a sunset.
• Focus on memories
  Capture the moment. Take photos of ordinary things – a table full of board games, a fire for braai, children playing in the garden. Make something symbolic together, like a letter, a gift or a cookbook full of family recipes, that can serve as anchor for that visit. This is when memories become tangible.
• Talk about the next visit
  Even if it is just a possibility, it brings hope to discuss plans for when you can see each other again. Choose a dream location or a future event as a goal, even if the details change later. Hope is a light that can shine through the dark days after the farewell.
• Let the tears flow
  Do not be ashamed of your emotions. Like Carinha Greyling Pretorius says: “I cry shamelessly! Why not? Tears are often just a sign of how deep the love and longing is. Let them flow and be gentle with yourself.
• Stay in touch
  Let technology bring you closer. Video calls, voice notes and messages can make the distance just a little bit smaller. Share not just big news, but also small daily moments like the weather, a new recipe, a funny story. This way, lives on both sides stay intertwined.

Whether you say goodbye at the airport, at home or not formally at all, every goodbye is an affirmation of love and connection. That’s the price of bonds that survive distance.

How do I say goodbye? With tears, with laughter, knowing that true love always waits for the next hello.