By Sue-Ann de Wet

Emigration is often discussed in terms of jobs, schools, safety and opportunities. Less is said about the people left behind – and specifically about the role of grandparents. Yet it is precisely here that one of the deepest cuts of emigration lies.

For many South African families, grandma and grandpa have always been part of the everyday rhythm at home: quick after-school care, a home-cooked meal on a Wednesday afternoon, a Bible story before bedtime, a joke that only grandpa can tell. When a family emigrates, that dynamic changes overnight.

When the “village” falls away

We often hear, “It takes a village to raise a child.” In South Africa, that village is often family. Grandparents not only provide practical support, but are also carriers of history, language and identity.

Overseas, young parents suddenly have to do everything themselves. No quick call for help. No spontaneous Sunday braai where children run around in the garden while grandma lovingly keeps an eye on them. The emotional impact of this is huge – for parents, children and grandparents.

For the grandparents who stay behind, this often means:

• less physical contact;
• a missed opportunity to celebrate important milestones;
• the fear that their grandchildren will lose their language and culture; and
• a quiet sadness when birthdays, Christmas and other special days are celebrated on a screen.

Children remember more than we think

Many parents worry that young children will not remember or maintain the bond with their grandparents. However, experience shows that consistent contact – even if it is digital – makes a big difference.

Children remember:

• the stories that grandpa tells over a video call every week;
• the package that grandma lovingly puts together;
• the jokes in their native language; and
• the special name that only grandma calls them.

Connection is less about distance and more about intentional engagement.

Practical ways to strengthen the bond

Many families have found creative ways to bridge the distance:

• Planned video dates: A weekly call on the same day and time gives children something to look forward to.
• Story time: Grandma reads an Afrikaans story on video every Sunday.
• Virtual participation: Grandparents attend sports days, concerts and birthdays through live connection.
• Joint projects: For example, a shared photo album or a family history project.
• Visits planned in advance: Even if it’s just every few years, it helps to have concrete countdown moments.

The emotional reality

We also have to be honest: Sometimes it’s just plain sad. Sometimes there are tears after a call. Sometimes grandparents feel deprived, and parents feel guilty.

It is important to leave room for those emotions. Emigration is not just a logistical decision; it is a generational decision. When a family moves, the entire family dynamic shifts.

But that doesn’t mean the bond is broken. It just becomes different.

A new way of being family

Over time, many families develop a new rhythm. Children learn to associate airports with excitement. Grandparents become masters of technology. Families plan their year around visits. And when they are together, the time is intense, intentional, and precious.

Spontaneous, everyday presence that turns into planned togetherness often deepens and becomes more meaningful.

AfriForum Wêreldwyd se rol

By AfriForum Wêreldwyd sien ons daagliks hoe belangrik verbinding met familie wat oorsee bly vir ons mense is. Ons deel stories, hulpbronne en netwerke om gesinne te help om hul taal, kultuur en bande lewendig te hou – ongeag waar hulle hulself bevind.

Ons moedig ouers aan om hul kinders se moedertaal doelbewus te koester. Ons verbind gemeenskappe met ons Wêreldgids en netwerk, en ons vertel die stories van gesinne wat wys dat afstand nie identiteit hoef uit te wis nie.

Grandparenting across borders requires adaptation, creativity and patience. It also sometimes requires faith – that love is greater than distance.

Kilometres may limit physical presence, but they don’t have to destroy the ties of love. Family remains family. Love remains love.

And where there is deliberate involvement, the bond remains unbreakable, even across oceans.

Also read: Emigration changes your marriage – whether you excepted it or not