By Sue-Ann de Wet

The so-called stay-or-leave debate is no longer a simple discussion; It has become an emotional, personal and sometimes even divisive topic for many South Africans. On social media platforms and community forums around the world it is clear: People feel strongly about their choices – and about those of others.

But perhaps that is where the problem begins.

A conversation that easily goes awry

When people share their stories – whether it is about emigration, staying in South Africa or even returning – we often see the conversation veer off course. What starts as an honest experience sometimes turns into judgment:

• “How could you remain?”
• “Why would you ever come back?”
• “You have given up.”
• “You are naive.”

These reactions are not only unnecessary; they make an already difficult reality even more difficult.

The truth: there is no one-size-fits-all answer

Emigrating is one of the most profound and expensive decisions in a person or family’s life. The decision to emigrate, stay or return is a personal decision. No one has the right to judge anyone else’s decision, because each of us has our own value system that determines our choices.

Emigration is a harsh reality today and AfriForum Worldwide is holding an open discussion about it.

The truth is: What feels unbearable to one person is manageable to another. What is a calling to stay for one is a calling to go for another.

An incident such as a crime can affect two people completely differently:

• The one is even more resolved to stay and make a difference.
• The other decides it is time to go.

None of these choices are wrong.

Faith, values ​​and outlook on life play a role

For many people, this decision is not only practical, but also deeply personal and even spiritual.

Believers’ choices vary:

• Some believe they are called to stay in South Africa and build here.
• Some believe they are called to make a difference elsewhere.
• Some believe they are called to make a decision that is not necessarily in their personal interest, but will provide better options for their descendants, whether within or outside the country.

With our limited perspective, no one can determine who is right or wrong. Everyone must decide for themselves – and no one is obligated to explain or defend their decision to another.

The danger of judgment

When we start criticising each other’s choices, we lose something important: community.

Afrikaners – wherever they may find themselves – still share

• a history,
• a culture,
• a language and
• often the same longing for people and places.

We already have enough challenges:

• Families who are scattered over continents
• Children who grow up between cultures
• The emotional weight of distance and adaptation.

It doesn’t help anyone to judge each other in this context.

A better approach: respect and support

Maybe it’s time to shift the question from:

“Why did you make that decision?”

to

“How can I support you in your decision?”

Whether you stay, go or return – each path has its own challenges:

• People who choose to stay, bear the realities of and in South Africa on a daily basis.
• South Africans abroad are building a new world from scratch, but at the same time remain bearers of our culture and stories: our ambassadors across borders. They remain our people. They remain our family.
• Returnees must adapt to a country that is no longer quite the same.

We are all adapting. We all are trying to make sense of our choices.

Make informed decisions, and accept them

These days we have access to more information than ever before:

• Practical emigration sources,

Experiences the experiences of others, and

Financial and other legal advice.

Use it. Do your research. Think carefully.

But ultimately, all that matters is you, and your family (if you have one). If a family or spouse is involved, the ideal is that everyone buys into the decision, otherwise it can complicate matters and even ultimately destroy the unity.

And yes, sometimes a decision later looks like a mistake. This is also part of reality. But it remains your decision and your responsibility.

Where does AfriForum and AfriForum Worldwide fit in?

While this conversation about staying or slipping continues, one thing remains constant: There are people who work daily in South Africa to make a difference, and this is where AfriForum’s work plays a tangible role. AfriForum focuses on protecting communities, promoting safety, culture and civil rights, and building sustainable structures within South Africa. For South Africans abroad, AfriForum Worldwide offers you the opportunity to still be part of this larger network: to stay informed, to connect with other South Africans worldwide and to practically contribute to projects that make a difference. By joining as an international supporter or member, you become part of a community that not only talks about change, but actively works towards it, no matter where you are in the world.

The stay-or-leave debate is not going away anytime soon, but how we conduct it remains a choice. Our greatest challenge may not be where we live, but how we treat each other. We don’t have to agree on everything, and our paths will inevitably differ. Yet we can choose to treat each other with respect, understanding and dignity. In a world where so much already contributes to division, we have the opportunity to be different; to build each other up, not to tear each other down. Because at the end of the day, it’s less about who is right or wrong, and more about how we support each other along the way.

Also read: Expat depression: causes, signs and practical advice