You are sitting in the car when a familiar Afrikaans song starts to play. Suddenly, you are back on a road in South Africa, on your way to visit your own people. For a moment, everything feels close. When the song ends, the distance might just feel even greater.

That is how homesickness can work. The very same memory that makes you smile can also bring a lump to your throat. Sometimes you miss a place, but often it is the people, the language, and the ease with which you could be yourself there.

This does not mean that you are ungrateful for your life abroad. You can appreciate what you have today and still long for what is far away.

Give a name to your longing

When you say, “I miss home,” try to think a little deeper. Do you miss your mother’s voice? Sunday lunches? Someone who understands your jokes without you having to explain them? Or do you miss the feeling of being able to drop in on someone at any time?

The more clearly you can identify what you miss, the easier it becomes to take small steps to address it. If you miss a specific person, you can make time for a conversation. If you miss Afrikaans, you could read a book, listen to a podcast, or find someone with whom you can speak your language.

Create space for memories

You don’t have to set aside your South African habits to feel at home in another country. Prepare the food you grew up with. Teach your children the songs you remember. Share the stories behind your family photos.

Also, pay attention to how you feel after these moments. If spending hours looking at old photos or scrolling through social media consistently leaves you feeling weighed down, consider limiting these activities for a while. You can cherish a memory and then do something that brings you back to the present – go for a walk, prepare dinner, or call someone in your current environment.

Build something here that you can look forward to

New habits do not have to replace old memories. Having regular coffee with a neighbour, taking a walking route you enjoy, or getting together once a month can, over time, become part of your own life.

Start small. Choose one activity that you can repeat, rather than trying something new every weekend. When you see the same people regularly, relationships have the chance to grow.

Practical tips for days when the longing is intense

• Arrange a set time to talk with someone you miss. Take both your routines and time zones into account.
• Tell someone exactly how you feel: “Today I miss just socialising at your table.”
• Share a familiar tradition with someone where you currently live. Invite them to share a meal, or explain why a particular song is special to you.
• Also make plans for after the call home. A walk or a cup of coffee with someone can help you tackle the rest of the day.
• If the heavy feeling persists and affects your sleep, work, or daily life, speak to a qualified counsellor or healthcare professional.  

You don’t have to choose between two homes

You are allowed to love the people you left behind in South Africa while also welcoming new people into your life. You are allowed to feel homesick, yet simultaneously discover that there are moments of warmth to be found here, too.

AfriForum Worldwide offers a space where you can read in Afrikaans and connect with the stories of other South Africans. The World Guide can also help you discover South African businesses and community contacts in your area.

Sometimes, a sense of belonging begins with something simple: having someone to whom you can say, “I’m feeling homesick today,” without needing to explain everything.