By Jeannie van Zyl

Why is the shopping trolley moving at a strange angle? What is the deal with tissue boxes that are displayed in people’s houses, offices, etc? Can anybody tell me why the swear words on TV are not bleeped out? And what do you mean you are going to leave the brand-new cell phone I just ordered online, at my front door …?

You see, when I landed in Sydney three years and ten months ago with only one suitcase, the culture shock was quite intense. Definitely worse than I expected.

Although my Aussie boyfriend, (now my husband), welcomed me with open arms, I wasn’t sure if I would ever have the guts to drive in Australia. These long-weekend double demerit points are wild. And just the thought of how neat and calculated you have to approach a crossing … Your vehicle’s front or rear end is under no circumstances allowed to be stationery in a crossing, because … massive fine!

Don’t even get me started on the confusion when you have to park or when it comes to alternating speed limits on the freeways. The varying parking zones are still my Achilles heel. The traffic signs read like a Greek drama – it is a loading zone at 13:00, which then turns into an “only 5 minutes” parking zone during teatime when the neighbours take their dog for a walk, and for good measure, it turns into an exclusive “postman only” parking zone between 16:00 and 17:00.

Let’s not get into my confusion around the normal traffic lanes that change into a parking lane somewhere between sunset and the time you return from a braai … What?!

By some miracle I managed to still have a squeaky clean record on my NSW (New South Wales) driver’s licence after four years’ of driving (that is if you exclude the lockdown). The same NSW licence into which my South African licence was instantly converted. At least I haven’t scratched anyone’s car in the Aldi parking area, and I am now the proud owner of a trolley coin attached to our house keys.

We are very spoiled, we know all the delivery people who leave parcels at our front door.

Through my job in civil engineering, I now understand the unique use of “clear zones” and the reason behind the different parking systems during different times of the day. Luckily, there is only swearing on certain times of the day, and it can actually be avoided it you choose your station wisely.

And wow, how nice not to have to get up and walk to the bathroom when you get a runny nose during a meeting … but tissue boxes as décor items? No, seriously, I need at least three more years!