Open letter from New Zealand

I write this letter with an open heart to share something of our lives as South African immigrants. My hope is to shed light on the aspects of emigration that we do not always expect after the initial excitement of a new beginning abroad.

When we left South Africa, we were full of hope and dreams of a better life. We thought everything would fall into place easily. But a few months later we realised: there are so many things that you simply cannot foresee.

The so-called “honeymoon phase” of immigration is a reality – full of energy, plans and optimism. But as the novelty wears off, realty sets in. One of the hardest surprises for us was that some of the most painful moments came from other South Africans. My husband experienced times at work where his compatriots had belittled him rather than supported him. Whether it was jealousy, or people trying to establish their place (uncertainty about their own place), we do not know. But it hits you hard when it comes from people you thought would understand you.

We really tried our best to become part of our community here – from clubs and parties to spontaneous conversations with anyone who would listen and be interested. Even though people were mostly friendly, we often felt like outsiders. It was like an invisible wall that we could never quite get over. Slowly but surely we felt we were being pushed aside a bit, and that feeling of “I belong here” remains difficult to find.

For me personally, it was a big adjustment to suddenly be a stay-at-home mom. In South Africa I was always busy and involved. Here I am struggling to find work – one “No, sorry” letter after another makes your self-confidence fade. It is sad how it breaks you. Childcare is also a big challenge – it is either unavailable, or so expensive that it is not even an option. And when my husband has to travel for work, I am sometimes alone in a foreign country – with no one to talk to. The loneliness can be heavy.

We miss South Africa and the South African vibe intensely. The smell of a nice braai, the sunsets that make you stop and just appreciate, the activity in our shops. Sometimes we hear Afrikaans around here, but it is not the same without all the nice dialects of all the provinces. We often talk about the incredible feeling of Oudtshoorn and the beach at Hartenbos in December – those memories remain very special. But, even though we miss it, we know we won’t be going back. Fortunately our family and friends come to visit us here, and best of all? Our children are so happy here – and that makes everything worth it.

I am not writing this letter to complain, but to share – maybe it helps someone to be better prepared. We are so focused on visas, flights and accommodation that no one tells you how lonely it can be or how deeply you will miss your roots. I believe AfriForum Worldwide can make a difference – perhaps through online groups where people support each other, give advice on work or friendships, and just give that feeling that you are not alone.

I am currently helping other South African families who are in the process of immigrating, because I know how important support is.

Thank you for reading my story. I hope it provides some inspiration to bring us South Africans abroad closer together. We are looking for a new beginning, but most of all we are looking for a place where we feel we belong – and maybe we can help each other find it.  

Kind regards

Natasha Agenbag