Emigration is not only a physical move to a new country; it also entails a far-reaching emotional, spiritual and often social adjustment. This adjustment often places great pressure on marriages, as couples have to co-conquer these unique challenges of a new environment and lifestyle. The loss of a well-known support system of family and friends can often make couples feel lonely and vulnerable, while the new rolls and adjustments in the relationship can also lead to stress.

The changes that emigration brings about can be stressful and often take its toll on people and their marriages. It is important to remember that moving is no solution to existing problems.

Loss of support and a well-known community

In South Africa there are often extended support bases that comprise family and friends, which fosters a feeling of stability and security. A move to another country removes this trusty support system, which forces couples to cope with all their challenges on their own. This means that they become one another’s only soundboard, which can be both challenging and isolating. Without the support from family or an established community, couples have to work extra hard to maintain emotional balance and stability in their relationship.

Career sacrifices and new roles

Emigration often requires one partner to give up their career to help support the family’s move. This person is then responsible for the family’s emotional welfare and to ensure that children fit in easier into the new environment and school. Meanwhile, the other partner may assimilate easier because of work, through which s/he gets more exposure to the work culture and the general cultural customs of the new country. This unbalanced situation may lead to feelings of resentment, self-worth issues and even inferiority.

Personality and relationship dynamics

Personalities play a major role in how couples manage this change. If one partner is an extrovert, s/he can make friends fit in socially more easily, while the introverted partner may feel more reserved – especially in a foreign culture. This difference in adjustment may led to feelings of isolation and a lack of understanding, because the extrovert may enjoy the new adventure, while the introvert may pine for the security and stability of the old life.

The emotional and physical challenges of adjusting

The environment, culture and even climate of the new country may sometimes differ completely from that which people are used to, which may cause additional stress. Such adjustments may be emotionally and physically exhausting, which may affect both parties in the marriage. The irregular stress of cultural adjustment and isolation may take its toll, and it requires awareness and support to overcome these challenges.

Hints to overcome emigration challenges and keeping your relationship strong

Emigration is a challenging experience, but couples can strengthen their relationship and continue to grow together. Here are a few practical hints:

1. Stay in contact with support networks

Make regular video calls and messages part and parcel of your routine when family and friends live far away. The support of loved ones can be a shield against stress.  

2. Build a new support network

Build networks in the new community through sport, social groups and church gatherings. These new networks can lessen both partners’ feelings of isolation and estrangement.

3. Support each other’s careers

If one of you had to give up your career, consider ways of redeveloping the career again in new ways. Encourage one another to learn new skills, start a new hobby or join community projects. Tyr to redefine roles so that the marriage charges and responsibilities are divided equally.

4. Work together to solve problems

Get professional support to cope with the huge adjustment and emotional challenges of emigrating. Do not expect one partner to provide all the psychological support. Listen to one another with empathy, but also consider calling in the help of a counsellor or psychologist when it becomes necessary. Use World Wide’s World guide to locate other South African service providers close to you.  

5. Create new traditions together 

Create your own rituals and traditions that has meaning only for you, whether it be a weekly outing, a braai or a sport activity. It helps to encourage the relationship and to promote joy together. It is also important to discover your new environment together. You are creating an new home together by discovering the new country’s culture and traditions together, and by making new memories together.

6. Maintain boundaries and values

Emigrations can bring about temptations, but it is important as a couple to hold onto your values and moral standards. Honesty and trust should remain priorities.

The process of emigration can challenge a marriage, but also make it stronger. The key to a successful marriage in a new country is open and honest communication, the building of a new support base and acknowledging one another’s emotional needs and roles. By working together and building a strong foundation, couples can prosper in their new home.  

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