2021 is here and we all wanted it to feel like a new beginning. Yet it feels like we are still standing with one foot in 2020.

My husband and I and our little girl live in Sydney and for us, 2020 was just as big a roller coaster ride as it was for many others. From March to May, Australia was under severe lockdown. We all stayed at home and had to work from home, do school work at home, and holidays were out of the question. At least we could exercise outside, so our lawns, like many in South Africa, also have Comrades paths.

Australia consists of seven states and territories. Each state basically makes its own rules and regulations. In March 2020, they all met and decided the borders between states should be closed and each state should independently monitor and regulate its COVID-19 cases. This decision very quickly made our world very small, and we had to plan the year with a new mindset.

In June, we could start holidaying in New South Wales. It was so strange for us because we usually go on holiday to South Africa or New Zealand to visit family. We never really thought of New South Wales as a holiday spot, but because we were starved for a break, we went to Hunter Valley for a weekend. It’s a wine district just outside Sydney and we love the area – maybe because I love wine so much. It was a strange weekend – we had to book and sign up everywhere. Nothing could just happen spontaneously. Nevertheless, it was a nice getaway – and even more special for me because it was the weekend I would be flying to South Africa to see my family and do my Comrades Back-to-Back. It was one of many holidays we unfortunately had to cancel in 2020 (like many other families).

After the weekend away, we started feeling like we could slowly but surely return to normal. Then the big outbreak hit Melbourne. It was a major setback, not only for Victoria but also for the rest of Australia. Political decisions confined us to our own state for even longer and holidays outside New South Wales were again out of the question. This particularly affected us because we have many good friends in Brisbane after living there for six years. Our friends in Brisbane are the closest to family we have in Australia and we would love to see them. We were so close to each other but still so far away. We heard numerous stories of families having to go through life events without the support of family living only a few hours’ drive away. But things started to improve again and everyone was hopeful of celebrating Christmas with family and friends in Australia.

On 20 December, however, positive COVID-19 cases were diagnosed in Sydney again and it was decided to restrict the area where those cases occurred. That area, Northern Beaches, is a beautiful and popular area in Sydney where many families and friends have planned to meet over Christmas. We have friends in the area who had to isolate themselves and who could see little or no friends or family over the Christmas period. Families living in the area also planned holidays in other parts of Australia. Within a week all the state borders were closed again and many families had to cancel their holidays (us too). And the cherry on the cake was that we had awful weather in Sydney. The poor children had to stay at home for half a year due to the lockdown and then also had to spend their longest vacation indoors because of the bad weather. At the moment we still cannot go on holiday outside our state, but we hope that the borders will reopen again within the next month.

Australia is presently very concerned about the new virus strain in the United Kingdom and South Africa, and cases have already been found. Brisbane was recently closed for a whole weekend due to a tourist from the United Kingdom who started moving around after ten days in quarantine and who then tested positive for the United Kingdom’s virus strain.

I must add that when one considers what’s going on across the globe, the effect of the lockdown on holidays does not really seem to be a big problem; I write about all this to provide insight into what’s happening in Australia rather than to complain about our current circumstances.

The possibility of local lockdown regulations being relaxed offers us little relief. We last saw our family more than a year ago. We are very grateful and feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by good friends, but I last saw my parents eighteen months ago and my parents-in-law twelve months. My daughter asks at least once a month when she will see her grandparents again, and I have no answer. I never thought I would long for physical contact with my family so much. Yet holiday plans feel so trivial when one thinks of everything.

The past few months, I also had to make peace with the fact that something could happen to my parents and that I would not be able to greet them. Many friends had to greet their parents without returning to where the parents lived. At the moment, it feels as if things in South Africa are constantly getting worse. Where a month or two ago someone died just now and then, people are now dying daily. It’s like the virus is creeping up on your family. Every snippet of information from South Africa reports on someone close to your family who has died or had to say goodbye to a loved one. It feels so cruel to me that one cannot properly say goodbye to loved ones, and that is one obstacle that we all struggle with: The virus does not allow you to say goodbye; it just takes your loved one away without a second chance.

In 2020, farm murders in South Africa made headlines everywhere and I was terribly worried about my family. Despite a bit of inconvenience, I am safe, but my family in South Africa is still under tremendous pressure. With the unemployment rate above 40%, it isn’t easy to be optimistic. Families are being exterminated by the virus and the conditions in South Africa and we are powerless. I often wonder how everything will work out, where we will end up, and when we will see each other again. Everyone worldwide has already had to make so many adjustments and still the future is uncertain.

Christmas, especially, is a sensitive time for emigrants. Many families usually plan to return to South Africa for their annual holiday or to have family visiting them in Australia. 2020 had certainly been very different in that respect. Many families spent their first Christmas alone; other emigrants spent their holidays in Australia where they would normally be in South Africa. Sadness and longing peaked, and especially on Christmas Day and New Year’s Day we had huge gaps in our hearts.

Most emigrants here in Australia have not planned to emigrate with no option to see their loved ones again. As I wrote in a previous article: Everyone’s emigration plan included an annual holiday in South Africa or a visit from loved ones here in Australia. Presently, many families doubt their decision to emigrate on a daily basis. We wonder what weighs more: missed opportunities, or the cost of scarce flights and expensive quarantine. What are we willing to pay to see our loved ones again? Or what will we give up? It is especially a difficult decision for those who have lived in Australia for years and never had to face a situation like this.

Despite all the challenges, 2020 has broadened my perspective so much. I will never take a holiday in South Africa or New Zealand for granted again. Every moment my little girl has with her grandparents will be precious, and she will see them as often as possible. My decision to emigrate has now gained a more expensive price tag. Everyone’s plans were overturned by 2020, but it has taught us to be grateful for what we have. I appreciate every moment with my family now much more, and we have started many new family traditions. It may not have been part of our original plan, but it surely enriches our lives. We also had time this Christmas season to connect with friends and rediscover the beauty of Australia.

Finally, 2020 taught me that deep in my heart, I will always be rooted in South Africa. No matter how long you have been away from South Africa, your heart still belongs to the country and its people. What’s happening in South Africa is important to me, and I care and pray for all the people of South Africa. I will always long for contact with my people, time with my family and friends and precious moments to fill my heart again.

I look forward to 2021 despite all the challenges. I look forward to more video calls with family and friends all over the world. I look forward to a successful vaccine and long flights to South Africa, and I hold on to the hope that one day we will see all our loved ones again.