There was a time when you could simply decide to go and have coffee. You knew what your friend’s week looked like, when she was having a difficult day and what was happening at her children’s school. Today, you live in different countries. By the time you get the chance to call, she is making dinner or is already asleep.

The familiarity and caring are still there, but your friendship calls for new habits. Contact happens less spontaneously. Sometimes weeks go by, and then it feels almost awkward to send the first message again.

However, you do not have to wait until you have long, quiet afternoon available. Your friendship can still have a place in your life as it looks right now.

Share the ordinary things

When time is short, we easily end up talking only about major events: a new job, a move or a birthday. Yet it was often the small details that previously kept you close to one another.

Send the photo of the cake that collapsed. Tell them about the funny conversation in the shop. Ask how the appointment went that your friend was worried about. These small snippets of the day help you to remain part of each other’s lives.

Voice notes can work well when time zones are different. You can share something that is still fresh in your memory, and your friend can listen whenever they have time. It does not have to be a complete overview of your week. Sometimes a single thought is enough to start a conversation.

Discuss what is feasible

One person likes regular messages; another prefers a longer call every few weeks. When your expectations differ, silence can easily feel like a lack of interest.

Talk honestly about your routines and what works for each of you. Perhaps a short call on a Saturday is feasible. Perhaps you make an appointment once a month to chat and send each other photos in between. Choose a rhythm that both of you can sustain, with room to adjust when circumstances change.

Do not see every late answer as a sign that you are growing apart. Instead, ask how things are going. Sometimes, a person has less energy for communication precisely when they need support the most.

Let your friendship evolve along with you

You may have new friends, different responsibilities and interests the other persons knows little about. Be curious. Ask about the people who are now part of your friend’s life and Share things about your new world as well.

Old friendships do not have to look exactly as they did in the past to remain meaningful. Some become calmer; others eventually resume more regular contact. If you miss someone, send a message like: “I thought of you today. How are you, really?”

Building new relationships and nurturing your existing friendships can both be part of your life.

AfriForum Worldwide provides a space for stories and conversations about these changing relationships and the ways in which we remain connected across borders.

A short message can revive a conversation. And sometimes, that is enough to make an old friend feel close again.

Ontwerpteks: A short message can keep an old friendship close.

Vraag vir sosiale media: What do you and your friends do to remain a part of each other’s lives?