What does it mean to be a trailing spouse?

Mary Bralove coined the term “trailing spouse” in 1975 to describe the experience of a spouse who relocates because of their partner’s career, where their partner is usually the primary breadwinner.

A trailing spouse refers to the spouse or partner of someone who relocates to another country, often for career opportunities, and who reorganises their life in support of their partner. The term describes someone who leaves behind their familiar surroundings, career and lifestyle, to assume a new role in another country. These sacrifices often come with challenges such as career disruption, cultural differences and isolation.

The excitement of a job opportunity abroad is contagious – a fresh start, a higher salary, and possibilities that capture the imagination. But for the person who is not in the spotlight of the job, this move can be an emotional rollercoaster. Trailing spouses face unique challenges that can easily become overwhelming.

Biggest challenges for trailing partners

1. Career disruption

While your partner’s career is taking off, your own dreams and goals may be put on hold. For example, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by uncertainty if you don’t have work visas or if there is limited demand for your skills in the market.

2. Culture shock

A new country means new rules, new customs, and sometimes even a new language. While these changes present opportunities for growth, they can also intensify feelings of displacement and isolation.

3. Loss of identity

When you no longer have a job or engage in purposeful activities, it is common to start questioning your self-worth. This is a normal reaction, but there are ways to deal with it.

Here are some tips and wisdom to make your journey easier and more meaningful.

Tips for trailing spouses

Build a support network

Find groups and communities that value you and help you to feel at home. Join local clubs, churches or expat groups. Use resources such as AfriForum Worldwide’s Worldguide to find businesses, service providers and community organisations in your new environment.

Communicate with your partner

Engage in open conversations with each other about your feelings and challenges. Be honest about your experiences and work together to support each other’s emotional needs. Set time aside for regular quality time together.

Stay physically and emotionally healthy

Exercise is not only beneficial to your body, but also for your state of mind. Even a simple walk in the park can help you to recharge. Also pay attention to your emotional well-being by not allowing yourself to become isolated. Look for interactions and activities that make you happy.

Make sure you learn how to integrate into the community by attending local events, or get to know your neighbours by inviting them over for coffee. This does not mean that you get out of touch with your own culture, but rather that you are starting to become part of a new network in a new country or city.

Learn and grow

Take the opportunity to learn new skills. Sign up for courses in group classes, take up a new hobby, or even start your own business. This will not only give you a sense of accomplishment, but also a new goal to work towards.

Explore your new world

Make the most of the experience. Explore your new surroundings, try new foods, and enjoy the unique cultural highlights. This adventure offers you an opportunity to create new memories.

Being a trailing spouse can challenge your relationship and personal life, but it also offers incredible opportunities to strengthen your character and relationships. By building support networks, communicating openly and taking a proactive approach to adapt, you can not only survive, but thrive.

Remember, your journey as a trailing spouse is unique and precious. It is an opportunity to discover yourself in new ways and emerge as a stronger version of yourself. Let the world enrich your wisdom and insights, and be fearless in your journey of self-discovery.

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Share your tips to help others make this journey easier and more meaningful. What helped you to cope with culture shock? How did you build your support network? Did you discover a surprising hobby or career abroad?

Photos: Getty Images/ Unsplash