Emigration is often a difficult decision for a family. While the one who is moving sets off to a new country with a mixture of excitement and uncertainty, the remaining sibling is left behind with a life that has suddenly changed – often in ways few people realise.

When a child emigrates, parents naturally turn their attention to that child’s new life. They want to know how things are going abroad, how the children are adjusting, and what challenges there are. For the sibling who is left behind, it sometimes feels as if their reality is becoming less important. The family dynamics change and a sense of loss can arise – not only because a family member is gone, but also because of a shift in the relationships and roles within the family.

The shifting of responsibilities

For many brothers and sisters staying behind in South Africa, a new responsibility is placed on their shoulders – often without ever being mentioned out loud. They are the ones who are now close by when parents grow old and need help. From medical emergencies to day-to-day support, the one left behind is often the one who steps in.

The one who has emigrated often feels guilty about the responsibilities their sibling has to shoulder. Yet the practical realities of distance and a new life in another country can make it difficult to play a bigger role. WhatsApp video calls and financial support can help, but they are no substitute for physical presence when parents need to see a doctor, need house maintenance, or when emotional support is needed.

The emotional impact

For the sibling that is left behind, there can often be a sense of loneliness or even disappointment. They carry a greater responsibility without the direct support of the one who emigrated. The expectation that they have to “look after” the parent because they are in closer proximity can lead to frustration and even tension in the family.

On the other hand, the one who has emigrated sometimes feels left out from important family events and the daily lives of their loved ones. They miss out on important moments – birthdays, unexpected events, and even simple chats over a cup of coffee.

How to find a balance

Communication and mutual understanding are necessary in order to maintain a healthy balance. Here are a few guidelines that will help:

• Recognise the impact: Both parties must recognise that emigration is not only a change for the one who leaves, but also for those who stay.
• Make rules about responsibilities: Talk about how parental care can be shared, even if one child is abroad. This may include financial contributions, arrangements for visits, or alternative plans for long-term care.
• Stay emotionally connected: Regular calls, messages and even surprise packages can help to keep the ties strong.
• Ask for help if needed: The one who stays behind should not hesitate to seek support from other family members or professional caregivers.

A brother and sister remain a team

Emigration does not have to change the bond between siblings in a negative way – through mutual understanding, cooperation and a conscious effort to stay involved, a strong bond can be maintained, regardless of how far apart they live. It takes adjustment, but with a joint effort, family ties can continue to flourish, even across continents.

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